|Hi, I love your blog, wanna trade links?|
Some reasons are less obvious, like how much money these events net for the promoters. These people are making out like Goldman Sachs. My sources report that the last BlogHerFood brought in an estimated 765.3 million dollars. Of course that's not all profit, as they did spend a couple hundred dollars on the food. Also, I believe that's all tax free, since they probably qualify as a religion.
|It's all about the Benjamins.|
Photo (c) yomanimus
1.) Never approach a blogger who has more traffic than you. You can do nothing for them. Besides, they have more important things to do than listen to you drone on about finding your "voice." They don't give a crap about your voice, and 30 seconds in, are probably wishing you didn't have one.
2.) Never approach a blogger who has less traffic than you. These parasites just want to suck from the sweet teat that is your referral traffic. Screw them and the sustainably raised, heritage breed hog they rode in on.
3.) Only approach bloggers who have the exact same traffic as you. Of course, it's a huge breach of etiquette to ask someone what their traffic is, so just assume everyone at the festival has the same numbers as you do.
|A huller!! Score!|
5.) When drunk tweeting, NEVER use the phrase, so and so was "kicking ass during the panel." After three cocktails before noon, that "L" key is waaay too close to the "K" key for comfort.
|That bald guy sure likes the sound of|
his own voice.
7.) When deciding who's exclusive after party to attend, just use the following system to rank the events. Take the number of celebrity bloggers hosting, times that by the number of books they've written, then add the number of times Ruhlman has mentioned them in a tweet. Compare these numbers, and then go have a drink at the hotel bar where you're staying. You're not getting into any of those parties anyway.
|Hi, my name is John, and|
I'm a food blogger.
I sincerely hope this list of tips helps you enjoy your next big food blogger festival experience! By the way, this post was not a parody. There is no way I wrote this post with tongue-in-cheek. My tongue was nowhere near my cheek. In fact, it was sticking straight out the whole time. :-P
Disclaimer: I did not attend the BlogHerFood event. I was in town for the Atlanta Food & Wine Festival, but partied with a bunch of BH attendees (high-traffic bloggers, of course). This post was not a review of BlogHerFood. I'm making light of the food blogger festival-going experience in general.